Writing the last two blogs, I was triggered. It made me revisit wounds I blocked out because I didn’t want to deal with them. When it comes to triggers, there have been times when I ran from dealing with my ish to avoid the rising discomfort in me. We have all experienced an emotional trigger reaction in our lifetime, which makes us human. However, when we avert triggers, we prevent healing.
There is so much power when we lean into our triggers and explore the lessons they teach us. Recently my triggers have led to revelations. God started by revealing areas in my life that I needed to work on; in a trigger is how I realized I have ADHD. I have been learning so much about myself because instead of continuing to run, I embraced my triggers and understood why they were happening.
When writing the blogs about my mother, some of the feelings I experienced were frustration, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, and sadness; these are some of the emotions that come when we get triggered. Throughout life, I have had quite a few experiences with my triggers, and in this post, I will share how my triggers come to the surface, along with how I learned to work with them instead of resisting them.
Some of my emotions come on suddenly and are usually an unconscious reaction due to my past conditioning. For example, when my best friend found her now husband, I was triggered to feel like our friendship would change and she was going to abandon me because that’s what I was used to. In the past, I would have distanced myself before the other person could leave me. But, this time, I acknowledged the trigger & had to have an uncomfortable conversation with my friend. I valued our relationship, so I needed her to understand why I was triggered and why.
Every trigger isn’t harmful or meant to destroy you; some triggers spark good memories, and some are intended to deliver and heal you. Most of my triggers are the ones that bring up discomfort, unease, shame, guilt, fear, or despair.
When triggered, I often slip into survival mode, fight or flight. This means our sympathetic nervous system is activated, doing everything possible to save us from harm. That might feel like our heart racing, our stomachs churning, breaking out into a sweat; we might go cold and numb, cry and lash out, or even start to shut down.
Being aware and catching my triggers is a whole new game; they happen so fast. Yet with practice, we can identify and transform these little moments where we unconsciously react.
Instead of being triggered & having an emotional reaction which leads to our normal reactive behavior, being aware now allows us to practice choosing our response instead of falling back towards what we have always known, moving from this place of familiarity. A better way to look at a trigger is to become aware of what is occurring in a physical, emotional, and mental state to get clarity on the best response.
With the help of therapy and much-needed prayer, I now have the tools & language to confront my triggers. The triggers can no longer dictate who I am. I can now give my inner child what I need then… Sarah Jakes said in one of her sermons about triggers that God takes you back to your experience where you started with the knowledge that you have gained. That’s precisely what happened when I was preparing to write those blogs.
I was triggered → I Paused & Check-In in with how I felt → I checked my tools and pulled what I needed, which was to be present and feel my feelings → Response = My new way of living.
A pause allows us to observe our body’s reactions; then, we can pull on our tools to respond instead of letting our emotions run wild.
It’s not easy facing your triggers; I cried and cried and cried, but if you want to heal, it’s necessary. Here is how I embraced my triggers
BE INTENTIONAL AND OPEN
When we decide to do the work to heal ourselves and learn more about our true selves, it doesn’t just magically start to happen. We need to show up openly with compassion. Each day we need to set our intentions on leaning into the discomfort. When we move intending to create change, it is far more likely to occur than waiting for it.
I intentionally worked through my childhood trauma in therapy on my healing journey. I had to show up authentically with all my trauma and broken pieces.
CALL IT WHAT IT IS
When we react or feel ourselves about to react, name it. Call it out. What was running through my mind while preparing and reflecting was, “I’m highly emotional and hurt. This first step is about finding where we have triggers and acknowledging that they exist. Yes, even the smallest moments count when we feel an immediate change in our bodies. Naming our triggers also helps us to check how frequently they are occurring.
ASK YOURSELF WHY
It’s hard sometimes to ask this one, but it can uncover so much. When we are feeling all those feelings, the last thing we want to do is ask ourselves why? Yet when we do, we can see what makes us change, moving us away from who we are into a heightened state. At first, try to get through a few rounds of ‘why’ so you are learning to find the cause. Then ask yourself again, why? Dig deeper and deeper to see where these emotional reactions came from.
Finding the answer to why you are being triggered will become easier and more manageable with practice. Question everything.
More often than not, our responses to a trigger were created during our younger years. Explore that. Ask yourself if it is a natural response to what is happening right now or if it is something you have always done. What comes up may be hurtful, but don’t fight it.
TIP: Get yourself a journal to write down events that triggered you. Write down the situation, what happened, and then how you reacted. Then look at why it played out that way. What about the other person, the situation, or the environment that made you react? (think who, what, where, why, whom, etc.)Write down everything that comes to mind. Also, recommend being in an environment that makes you feel safe. For me, that is in Nature.
FEEL YOUR FEELS
When we react, we are internally driven to respond from unconscious patterns that we have accumulated. These feelings are what we want to focus on for a moment. Sometimes it’s essential to allow a feeling to move through. A big life moment like the loss of a loved one can trigger all the emotions, and in this case, it’s essential to recognize the feelings that come with that experience. They are not to be rushed. Yet the feelings of anger, frustration, and fear are the cue signals for triggers that mean something to us; feel them and understand how they play out in your body so next time you are more prepared for when they arise.
RESPOND INSTEAD OF REACTING
When we feel the familiarity of discomfort from a trigger, we can choose the best way forward. Do we keep the same reaction as usual — like blowing up because we are frustrated with the traffic today, or do we decide to respond to the situation, take the next turn, and go the long way home, or change the radio channel so we can sing along to our favorite album?
Responding to our emotions with internal guidance comes through by us pausing for a moment to see what is coming up, not letting our minds jump to all the conclusions while our body is signaling the alarm bells. Here is the perfect opportunity to pull on our internal resources, like the tools I gained in therapy, to observe ourselves and question what is the best way forward. Would this situation benefit me by blowing up with anger, frustration, or fear? If not, how could I show up as a true representation of self?
TAKE NOTES AND EMBRACE THE LESSON
A lesson often hides beneath the surface each time our emotions get better. We must set personal boundaries and take a different approach to handling a situation. Our triggers are the invitation to revisit how we want to show up in life, pointing out single events or that reoccurring. Life lessons are a beautiful unfolding of relearning who we are and what we stand for. Triggers are not to be something we want to avoid but, instead, become aware of. Enabling us to explore deeper what makes us tick, who we are, and how we can show up to life as our best selves.
Identifying our triggers is just one part of the process. The other part is checking in with ourselves with a graceful pause to evaluate the situation. Pulling our resources together to make informed decisions, possibly with new outcomes that honor who we are. Trialing new methods takes courage, along with plenty of practice.
Once we realize that our triggers are not all ours to keep, we can play with them to see which ones are worth correcting, the lessons they hold, and how to embrace them for the wisdom they contain. While letting go of the others and allowing ourselves to no longer live in survival mode.
XO, Moe
