Diddy Do It? Trigger Warning
Social media has been extremely overwhelming lately, especially with the circulation of the degrading, diabolical video of Diddy and Cassie. This video has been highly triggering, but not in the way you might think. Let me explain.
First and foremost, my prayers are with any woman who has or is currently dealing with domestic violence (DV). My heart aches for you.
I was triggered by memories of growing up around domestic violence. My mother was a DV survivor, and although she fought back, the fact that she had to do that at all was devastating. I was that little girl who was scared but needed to protect my brothers. I saw the marks, heard the lies, and knew the truth. Those feelings of fear, disappointment, and confusion have resurfaced.
I was also triggered by the memories of women close to me — some are friends who have lived through similar tragedies and shared their stories.
I was triggered because I am a woman. In the past, I might have thought, “That could never happen to me,” but it could be me, you, my best friend, my sister, your sister, etc. This is not something women sign up for, and whether it is tolerated is another topic for another time. However, I went down a rabbit hole and found the statistics on DV are alarming. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women, 1 in 4 men, and 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence. Check out the article for yourself.
What do tragedies like that do to a young child growing up? They create trust issues, something I realized during reflection.
This is my first time ever sharing this: I used to fear dating(I might still be low-key) because I never wanted to encounter a situation like that. It is also a big part of why I stayed in a toxic relationship: “At least he wasn’t beating me.” Whew… Whew… SMH. In full transparency, I need to sit with this, but acknowledging it has helped.
These experiences contributed to me losing my voice and were the beginning of the trauma to my nervous system. This is probably where my anxiety issues stem from. It was the foundation for the protective wall I started building around myself. (Being able to understand & put language to what I felt for years is a WIN on this healing journey)
It built resentment toward my mother… because I blamed her. ( I’m not ready to talk about this yet; it’s a new feeling I’m processing.)
Seeking normalcy as a child led me to spend time at my grandmother’s, cousins’, and dad’s friends’ houses. Those environments seemed normal, but looking back, I realize they had their own issues. It's funny (NOT REALLY). I realize now that I was always seeking love but was also so numb that I couldn't feel it when it was given. In fact, I connected love with pity… I felt like people were there for me because they knew my situation and felt bad. (There is a lot to unpack in this post, sheesh! I’ll unpack this one later)
This trauma started when I was about 5–6 years old. I can only imagine how those teenagers and young adults who may have witnessed their moms endure that type of abuse feel.
I carried these things with me throughout my life, and I thank God that on this healing journey, I was able to work through some of those events and heal from them.
I just wanted to shed some insight from a different perspective. Anyone experiencing this is not alone. There is help, and there is hope. Stay strong and seek support.
To the millions of courageous wo(men) facing the challenge of domestic violence:
Your strength is immeasurable, even in moments when it feels like the world is closing in. You deserve love, respect, and a life free from fear and harm. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but an act of profound bravery. Each step you take towards safety and healing is a testament to your resilience.
Surround yourself with those who uplift and support you. Reach out to friends, family, or organizations dedicated to helping women in your situation. You are not alone; a community is ready to stand with you, offering resources, shelter, and care.
Believe in your worth, for you are invaluable. Your story is far from over, and brighter chapters await. Hold onto hope, for the light will guide you through the darkest times.
Stay strong, keep believing in yourself, and know that a future filled with peace and happiness is within your reach. You have the power to rewrite your story and reclaim your life.
If you or someone you know needs help
call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text “START” to 88788
Visit: National Domestic Violence Hotline
With unwavering support and admiration,
Moeluvin
